10 June 2008

Making Friends...

Do you have a hard time making friends? I do.

Why? I'm not exactly sure. I'm not anti-social. I'm friendly. I like people. I'm not a hermit (crab). HA! I'm funny. At least to myself. I'm not socially awkward - although does anyone ever know that they are socially awkward? I don't stink - most days.

The past couple of days I've been thinking about the topic of making friends. I've only been blogging for a short time, but in that time I have made connections with some truly wonderful women. Well, at least I think they're women. I guess they could be old men living in Wyoming - not that I have a problem with old men in Wyoming.

Anyway, my point is that some of these connections aren't just casual, impersonal internet connections. They are already genuine friends. Why is that? I think it's because I shared of myself with these women. Probably more than I do in a typical face-to-face relationship.

When it comes to in-person friendships, I'm a little more reserved. It's not that I don't want to get to know people. I definitely do! In fact I think the problem is that I try to get to know them without letting them get to know me. I'm much more apt to ask someone a gajillion questions about themselves, their families and their lives than I am to share that same information about myself.

That habit puts up a barrier. It limits the depth of a friendship.

One of the reasons that I began blogging was because I wanted to be a part of this community. There are so many amazing, funny, smart, uplifting, God-serving women out here and I wanted to get to know them. In the process, some of them are getting to know me as well.

Now I'm going to apply this lesson to real life.

And because I much prefer posts with pictures, here is one of me with one of my dearest real life friends. She knows everything about me and loves me anyway. Thank God!

This is from our high school graduation. I crack up everytime I look at this. It was clearly before I learned the benefits of eyebrow grooming. And you just gotta love the spiral perm!


71 comments {Click here to leave a comment}:

Jessica said...

I came across your blog this morning and I, too, could have written your exact post. I certainly feel the same ways as you about making friends. And, I love the picture of you and your friend- sometimes its the old friends who know us the best. Happy Tuesday!

Sarah Mae said...

I, like you, I ask a million questions because I love getting to know why people work! I don't have too much trouble intiating friendships, but finding the close ones, that's a little harder. I think having a couple real good friends is all you can really invest in, and that's okay.

By the way, like the hair! I'm 28 and I have a friend who is 21. We were scrapbooking and she says to me, "what did prom dresses look like when you were in school?" HA! When you're married with one kid, you're a cute, when you have a cheese wagon (with a spoiler by the way), two kids and a husband, you are just old!

Carrie said...

Hi, I've been here before. You have a very comfortable site and I enjoy watching you and your peeps.

I ask so many questions when I meet new people. Clerks, small kids, I don't mean to but I come on strong and powerful and nosey, but by golly ... they remember me when I:

a) walk away on my own two legs,

b) get dragged out by management or security, or

c) they see me in the line-up.

Caroline said...

I too tend to ask too many questions. Before becoming a SAHM, I had a job where I had to get to know people and ask a lot of questions up front. I tend to do it with friends and family a lot. Not that asking questions is bad, but sometimes I think I use it too often in uncomfortable situations and change the subject!

Kat said...

Ahhhh. The days of the spiral perm and bushy eyebrows. And did you notice that the cap looks like it's sitting on the back of your head? Goodness. Wouldn't want to mess up that do. And I'm not makin' fun either. No-siree. If you looked at my graduation picture, it would look EXACTLY the same :) But I think I digress, because this post is about friendships and not about late 80's/early 90's fashion!

Angie said...

Awww, I think you're great! And I love that pic. Too funny, but adorable! Isn't is amazing how blogging has just opened up a whole new world for us all. I think blogging, for women especially, fills a void that many of us have with the whole friend thing. I'm glad to have you as one of my cyber-friends! :-)

applejoos said...

Hopping over from SITS to tell you "Amen, sister!" I have the same problem, if it's considered a problem. I don't make friends very easily and that mostly stems from being burned so many times by people that were supposed to be true friends. I know that no one is perfect and we all make mistakes and blah blah blah, but I really seem to be a magnet for all of the fake, backstabbing people of the world. I think that's why I prefer internet friends and even at that, I don't give out a lot of personal information. I guess I am a bit of a hermit (crab). Anyway, I hope you get tons of fantastic comments today!

KimmyJ said...

Coming over via SITS. I feel the same way about my blog friends. Perhaps because we get to meet each other before ever seeing each other. We all have some many pre-conceived notions about people and when we get the benefit of meeting without judging first - it can be a good thing. Thanks for making me think about this.

Marie said...

I was oh-so-serious about this post until I read the eyebrow comment. TOO funny! (and wow! can I ever relate!)

I can really relate to making friends, too. Growing up I had 8 brothers and sisters. I didn't NEED friends. In HS I had a few close friends- that I still have today. But since being married to a military man and moving 10 times in 14 years, it's hard to make friends. I realized I got to the mindset "Why bother! One of us will be moving in a few months anyway!" I try not to let that keep me from getting out there and making friends. But it's hard. I've also come to realize that I don't mind being alone. lol As a teen that seemed a fate worse than death. It's kind of nice to go to the movies and not have to share your popcorn! *Ü*

Melissa Lee said...

Sweet Kimba,

Ya know? I kinda like you. And it's not the way you do stuff that I find "freakish." Lika painting, or sewing, or decorating your house to look like Southern Living (by the way - read my blog today and you'll know that me calling you freakish is just my insecurity when I see people doing stuff I've tried but can't). But I think I need to meet you and sit in your back yard with your kiddos while you explain to me how I can get my home to smell like fresh baked bread when my husband comes home even if there is no bread baking. He like that. Is it possible?
Your blog is precious. I'm smitten.

Melissa

Deanna said...

Found you through SITS! And while reading through your blog found a Bible verse I am definitely in ndeed of. Many thanks and I'll be a frequent reader!

M said...

Came over from SITS, love your blog!

I can totally relate to this post.

Jen said...

There are so many people in the world that we (or I) can feel quiet small and that I don't matter but we are all dealing with the same issues and through communities like SITS can relate to each other and give support and acceptance and maybe gain some new real friends. That is so cool, we really do live in a small world.

Kristen said...

I am glad to see that Kim chose one of the safer pictures of us from high school. I am here to verify that we are both MUCH better looking now :-). And, yes, I recall being horrified by the suggestion that those caps were supposed to sit flat on our heads...are you kidding me??? The bangs were NOT to be disturbed...after all, it was 1989!

I agree with the comments about close friends being hard to make as well as the truth that you only need a few truly good ones. I know that, for me, time is so limited that if I were to try to invest the time to get to know someone deeply and to have them know me just as well, I'd have no time for my children, husband, or myself (of course, it already seems like I have no time to myself, so that wouldn't be such a big change--lol).

For those of you who only have the pleasure of knowing my dearest friend via this blog, let me attest to the fact that she is a truly wonderful woman, and I am tremendously blessed to have her in my life.

I love you, Kim!

JoAnne said...

Hi Kimba,

I want to know how you read my mind! I have a hard time making "real life" friends also. I can't seem to meet other women in real life that share my interests (decorating, gardening, crafts, etc). I have found that in blogland it is easy to learn quickly if someone shares your interests. I am very comfortable with the friendships I am forming and glad that I have ventured into this little community. Smiles, JoAnne

Amanda Jo said...

I know exactly what you mean! I never would have considered blogging until I realized what a great community there is!

Isn't it amazing how God has used blogging in so many of our lives? I know I am encouraged by your blog and I hope you're encouraged by mine!

Keep up the great work!

From Dawn Till Rusk said...

I am sorry to gatecrash your blog, but I wanted as many mums to read this story about a 26-year-old leukaemia sufferer who is writing an online diary with one aim - to save others.
It is so utterly moving and, for any mum out there, totally heartbreaking.
He only has weeks left to live - I just thought it would be nice if he received all the support he could get from us mums out there.

Songbirdtiff said...

I think that you are genuine, precious person and I'm thankful you allow us into your life. Blogging has definitely helped me open up and express who I really am both online and in person.

Flssgrl said...

I love your blog and the down to earth posts. You have a great writing style and I cracked up over the eyebrows statement too! Blogging is great fun!

Memarie Lane said...

I have a hard time making friends too, but only because I don't have a car and never leave the house as a result. Really hard to make friends that way.

But my bloggy friends really have more than made up for that. I have made a lot of great friends that are sooo supportive and helpful! I'd actually be afraid to meet them in person because then the magic would end.

Karen said...

I feel the same way. I don't make friends very easily, mainly because I've been let down/hurt so many times.

I sometimes look with yearning at people I know that seem to have a huge circle of friends. But when i take a good look at many of those friendships, they turn out to be really superficial. That's not something I want out of a friendship.

The one really good friend that I have is what I want from a friendship. She's there to listen when I need an ear, as I am for her. She'll pop by with a bottle of wine or something, when she knows I've had a bad day and I do the same thing for her. She is the one person I can count on to tell me that a top/dress/whatever doesn't look good on me, as I do for her. She can be counted on to tell me as it is. She's also someone that i can sit with and not have to find empty words to fill up the silence.

When I think about it, she's worth way more than a dozen superficial *friends*. :-)

Rene said...

Congrats on your SITS feature today! I love your blog!! I'll be back for more for sure!

new every morning said...

Your 'old men in Wyoming' comment made me laugh!

I think cyber-friends are a great answer to the busy schedules we all have. We can talk to each other and enjoy getting to know each other at any time of the day. I can check and see how you are doing and let you know I care on a moment's notice.

Not that these friendships should replace face-to-face ones, but it is a blessing to get to know other women and laugh together.

Debbie said...

Yet again Kimba I shake my head and just wonder when it was we were separated at birth. I AM THE EXACT SAME WAY right down to asking the million questions to keep the focus off of me and putting up barriers as a result. I don't have a true best friend and have been burned so many times that I just don't trust anyone anymore. I have lots of acquaintances because I am very friendly, but I stop short there. It is hard to maintain lots of friendships too when you are married with kids. I think the blogosphere is so much easier because you can use the written word and dig/delve deeper into things. It is easier to be more open and I often wonder why that is. I have wanted to write a post like this for awhile but haven't You wrote it so eloquently. It was yet again another God thing for me because now I know I 'm not alone in feeling this way. God really has used you in my life in the very short period of time we've been blogging buddies. It wasn't an accident that we met, and I am glad to be getting to know you. I hope to meet you in person one day...oh and Fight on State!

At Home in the Country said...

Yes, Kimba you ARE FUNNY! I too find it easier to be myself on my blog. I love and enjoy all my new blog friends that come by to see me. I tried explaining this to a non-blogger and I could tell by the look on their face they didn't get it. What started out as a place to keep in touch with our friends when we move became soooo much moooore....I have a bunch of new friends that I really enjoy...and that includes YOU!

Julie N said...

I'm finding this whole mom blog movement fascinating! It's like the modern day 50's version of neighborhood moms gathering together. I have to agree with you Kimba that's all about opening yourself up to others. I'm definitely bookmarking your blog and plan on coming back to visit often!

Sydney said...

I found your blog through SITS, and I have to say I totally identify with your friends post. It took me FOREVER to make friends when I moved to Milwaukee 9 years ago. I even had to import a friend (one of my friend moved here right before I got married)!
But she's still here, and I found some great friends through my bookclub, and I cling to them. I still cling to my high school best friends too, though.

Blanca said...

I confess I am socially awkward. Crowds scare me and by crowds I mean more than five people in the same room. It's pretty sad. If you ask anyone that knows me they will say that blogging is a BIG step for me.
Thanks for always stopping by with your sweet comments.

Blanca

Jenn said...

That was a wonderful post! I feel that I have a hard time making friends as well. But I have to admit that I love blogging and meeting fellow bloggers. I hope the rest of your day is a good one!

Sarah said...

Hi! The Lord is so good to us, isn't He? Have a great day!

Mrs. Parks said...

Me too!
I moved to a new state two years ago and am in a situation where I don't have a chance to meet ANYONE.
I have always been a very social person and was feeling a HUGE void that blogging has filled : )
I love you blog and feel like I made ANOTHER new friend this morning!

Judy Haley said...

it is hard to make friends. that's something I've thought about a lot lately as well. maybe it has something to do with the intimacy of friendship. maybe it has to do with how busy we are. maybe the rarity is part of what makes a true friendship so special.

Carolyn said...

I am much like Blanca who commented early. If there is more than 2 or 3 people around me, the cat immediately gets my tongue. I only speak when spoken to directly. However. I have journaled and lived in the written world all my life. So, making friends through blogging fits right into my world, because its one on one. Again, though, "crowds" of people, like with the SITS group, and the hundreds of others out there that are wonderful to be a part of, I tend to get overwhelmed. But, I'm going to go outside of my comfort zone and be a part of the SITS gang. They look to be a great group of ladies! -- and you are most definately one of them! Your posts are thought provoking, honest, and entertaining. I loved my visit here.

The Mom said...

Congrats on the SITS love today!! Great blog!

Mrs. S said...

I have a hard time making friends (even blogging friends). I completely can relate to this post and hope that I frequent your blog more often to get to know you. And although I would love to live in Wyoming someday, I'm not an old man living there. :)

Galatians 5:22-23

Simply Stork said...

yup...another wonderful post...

and I have a hard time making friends too...what is with that? one thing I can say is...the frineds I do have are treasures to me...

~simply~

leezee52 said...

I came here from SITS and Congrats on being the featured blogger of the day! I'm new too at blogging and I have found many new friends and I feel all warm and cozy with them. I'll be back.

Teri said...

I found you on SITS today. Love your blog.

Whatever difficulty you feel you may have making friends seems to definitely NOT be a problem here! Wow, what a great turnout. Thanks for the great post.

Sandi McBride said...

I think it's easier to share on line, which is a good thing and a bad thing...I find we are friends with people we have things in common with...this was a great post, I'm glad that the SITS blog is available...
Sandi

The Farmer Files said...

I don't have trouble making friends, I guess it is a product of moving so much in our married life. I don't have much of a choice if I want a social life....I hate answering my phone though, and hate when people keep me on the phone for an hour when they could have just sent me an email. LOL.

Holly said...

I hea ya on this one! I dont feel like I have a hard time making friends. maybe my standards are too high,lol.

Liz said...

Awww... look at you guys! How sweet. I feel the same way!

Z's Mom said...

Oh my....you are sooo right! I think it is easier to type out what you are feeling sometimes than to actually say it. I have great friends now...but we're always too busy to hang out anymore it seems. Sometimes the internet is just an easier way to keep in touch! I do like my new internet friends though! :)

Mrs. R said...

What I love about blogging is that it takes out the pre-conceived ideas we have. No one cares what kind of care you are driving, or which handbag you have.

Thanks for having us over! Hope you enjoyed your SITSday!

scargosun said...

Saw you through SITS before from your Porch post. So glad you are on SITS today. I love your rehabing and I really look forward to learning from you!

Strawberry Blonde said...

I'm a social dork too. Not saying you are a dork, but you know what I mean, right? I have friends, but I do not have real-call-you-in-the-middle-of-the-night-because-I-thought-something-was-funny-and-had-to-tell-you friends. For me, it's my fault. I am not a cultivator of friendships. I often think, why would they want to be bothered by me?
The whole self esteem thing gets me everytime.
Thanks for posting this. This has been on my mind a lot lately. And I am not some weird guy from Wisconsin. I'm just a dork girl from Alabama. :)

-- Brandi

Jaime said...

I just found your blog. I love this post. Can't wait to read more!

Embracing the Ordinary Day said...

Just came over from SITS...so glad to meet you. You are obviously not alone in your feelings...I go through this every day. I think we are more open to be ourselves online because it easy to not sensor ourselves based on what we think the other person is thinking looking at us..

Can't wait to see more from you...I feel like we would be friend on the outside...

The Romantic Portuguese Daughter said...

Wow! If only I could get 48 comments on my blog! Which is why I feel the same way...only mine is also in blog life. LOL!

I really wish I had a friend who would come over...we could spend hours just talking and drinking iced tea or lemonade. My two high school friends have moved away. I have to say my only true friend is my sister who lives in Idaho. I never get to see her...but my long distance phone bill is really high. LOL!

Thanks for stopping by my place.

Susan
Pink Portuguese Roses

Melanie said...

I am exactly the same about makeing friends, it always seems there is some kind of barrier there. Your thoughts on this are very enlightening!!

Kat said...

What a great post! I am kinda the same way. Quite extroverted...but I am the one that is asking the questions...making it about them, not me. But...secretly...I want it to be all about me :-) I do listen to what they have to say...and ask more questions...and then when I walk away...I wonder why they didn't ask anything. Did I not give them a chance to get a word in edgewise? Did I change the subject when it went back around to me? Or, do I just tend to think they really don't want to know anyway?

Blogging is so cathartic. And it can be about me :-)

Krys72599 said...

Love your blog! Skimmed it all the way back to the beginning! You're a great writer and I love seeing your decorating projects. My blog is a bit more boring and certainly not as beautiful; I have to buckle down and insert more pictures...
Anyway, have added you to my favorites list!

Nicole said...

Hey, I saw you on the SITS site, cool. It's easy to comment on your blog, your so easy for me to relate with. I feel the same about friends, It's always been easier for me to have a few good friends then a whole bunch of friends. I've never been good in group settings, they make me nervous. Your doing an awesome job on your blog, your becoming famous :)

insane mama said...

YOu are so cute and funny!
I totally agree, it's easy and fun to make friends on line, in real life.. you always have to put up a front.

Mamahut said...

I totally agree, I have 1 bff. I do get out and I do try but like you said it's hard to be open in todays world. Great blog!

iPost said...

Oh my gosh...the eyebrow grooming! It kills me every time I look back at those old photos and I have a huge caterpillar resting between my eyes. why doesn't someone ever tell us sooner????

tinabean1988 said...

I love your blog it's so honest & down to earth.
You seem like a very inspiring woman to me.
I am the same way about making friends & ever since I started my blog I've become obsessed.
I've met so many interesting & amazing people that I would never have met other wise.
Thanks for sharing your self with all of us.

P.S. if you look up my 20th high school reunion on my blog, I'll make your bushy eyebrows & spiral perm look real good!!!

Timalee said...

Great post, I feel exactly the same! Would you mind if I referenced it in a post on my blog?

Rene' said...

I came across your blog today and really enjoyed reading it. Friends are so important in life and I feel the same way you do. I love blogging and getting to know others with the same interests, my online friends are great. Stop by any time and lets keep in touch:-)
I love making friends too and finding a true one sometimes takes a life time. Love the photo of you and your friend from HS.

LaDeana said...

Hi. First let me say that I love your picture. I turned 30 last December and I am starting to realzie that my "youth" was nearly another lifetime ago. I really enjoyed your honesty with your post. I am a stay at home mom and really alot of times the only friends/adults I get to "talk" to during the day is fellow bloggers. I enjoy your site and will be coming back to check in. Feel free to jump on over and check out my crazy life. Have a Blessed Week! Dee

Laurel said...

Nice Kimba. One of my favorite subjects. Two great book recs for you: The Friedship Factor and Friendship as Sacriment.

Have a great day!

www.lifeinkathmandu.blogspot.com

The Roost'er said...

Hi! Found you before via Emily, so now I came back via SITS.

I understand your sentiment. I think it's encouraging to realize that there are other women out there in the world who actually feel the same way as I do. It makes me feel a little bit more ... normal. And some of those insecurities we publish on-line aren't easily shared face to face.

Good luck on selling your home. I'll send selling vibes your way...
Karin

HeathahLee said...

You know I ask too many questions...:) I don't know what I'd do without you here in Blogville! :) Hmmm, probably go stalk some other poor, unsuspecting soul...

Kris said...

I've been a lurker and it was fun to see you featured on SITS today! I love your furniture make-overs too!!
I hear you on the friends thing - the older I get (not THAT old either!) life is just busier and maintaining or creating new friendships IRL is not just a "comment" - it's a lot of work sometimes. If you are lucky you have friends who will put in the effort, home, work, kids and all.

AFRo said...

I agree, I look forward to talking with my bloggie friends everyday. I would have serious withdrawals if I didn't have a relationship with some. They make me feel normal and THAT is a feat.

Gina said...

I LOVE the highschool graduation photo!! My hair looked like yours', only the spirals and frizz weren't a perm... it's the real mccoy! haha!!
I find that, too- it's amazing some of the connections that can be made via the internet. Just goes to show that we really are a social bunch (humans, I mean!).
I'm glad I met you!!

The A girls said...

hey, I wanted to stop by and say hello. I am glad that you got features on the website in the sauce. Way to go. Just do not forget us readers of your blog before you were famous. I enjoy your blog and I would be your real life friend ig I lived in penn.

Deb said...

Hi Kimba, great post! "Lovely Eyebrows" :O)

Kristi said...

Thanks for visiting my blog! Oh my I have exactly the same problem. And I get really sensitive when I feel like I'm getting close to someone and they forget about something we've planned or I find out I was not included in something. I wonder what is it about me that makes me seem not so special. I'm not a very gregarious person or a very good salesperson of myself. Anyway, since blogging I too have made some friends and in particular a woman I met briefly here and there (she is the fiance of one of my husband's friends from youth). Through finding each others' blogs we have gotten much closer - very cool!

I am with you with the eyebrow grooming. I just look at any photo before graduating from college and I wonder what are those caterpillar doing climbing above my eyes!

Just looking around your blog and so far I love it! Going to go see more.

Mama's Losin' It said...

It's hard to make friends especially as an adult. How do you get from the "nice to meet you" stage to the "this is so funny I ve to call her" stage. It's not as easy as it used to be.

Rue said...

No way are you that old! I graduated in 87'. I thought you were in your early 20s! Alright sister... I want a list of every magic potion you use right now! ;)

Would you believe that I don't have many real life friends? I don't know anyone in real life that likes the same stuff I do. Blogging as it turns out is the best way to make friends for me :)

rue